Let me ask you something. Have you ever posted a picture online, only to obsessively check your phone for likes? Come on, we’ve all been there. Whether it’s a selfie, a new outfit, or even your dinner (hello, perfectly plated avocado on sourdough bread …chilli flakes included!), there’s a little thrill in those thumbs-ups.  My point being: validation, especially external validation, is a slippery slope. One minute, you’re basking in the glow of “You look amazing!” comments, and the next, you’re spiralling because your bestie hasn’t liked your post yet.

We live in what I would call a ‘validation trap’ - a world obsessed with approval. Social media, office politics, even family dinners can feel like a game of “Who’s noticing me?” It’s exhausting. And let’s be honest, half the time, the people we’re trying to impress don’t even matter.  I’ll never forget the time I spent hours making a dish for the family I hadn’t made before. I was expecting basic compliments at least, but am still waiting! Did it sting? Sure. But was it really about the dish? No. It was about me wanting to be seen.

Here’s a fun fact: our brains are wired to seek validation. It’s a survival thing. Back in the days, being accepted by friends and family meant safety. But in today’s world, there’s an endless scroll of filtered lives, making it harder than ever to feel good about yourself. The problem? When you rely on external validation, you give away your power. You’re essentially saying, “Tell me I’m good enough.” But what if you didn’t need anyone else to say it? 

Let’s change the game and talk about internal validation because that’s where the magic happens. It’s the ability to say, “I’m proud of myself,” without needing anyone else’s approval. Sounds simple, right? It’s not. Especially when we’ve been conditioned to believe our worth is tied to what others think. But trust me, the more you validate yourself, the less you’ll crave it from others.

How Do You Validate Yourself?

• Celebrate the small wins. Didn’t hit snooze this morning? Go you! Cooked dinner instead of ordering in? Superstar!
• Talk to yourself like a friend. Seriously, would you ever tell your bestie she’s a failure because her Instagram post didn’t get 100 likes? No. So why do it to yourself?
• Set boundaries. Validation-seekers often overcommit, hoping to earn praise. Saying “no” is a powerful form of self-respect.
• Do things for you. Bake the cake, wear the dress, post the picture, not for applause, but because it makes you happy.

Here’s what I’ve learned: when you stop chasing validation, you start living. You take risks, try new things, and embrace who you are, unapologetically. And the irony? That’s when people really start noticing you. Because confidence is magnetic. It’s the kind of validation you can’t buy, fake, or force. It comes from within, and it shines brighter than any number of likes or claps.

So, let’s make a pact on this: you and I? We’re going to stop looking outward for what’s already within. Next time you catch yourself seeking approval, pause and ask, “Do I approve of me?” Chances are that the answer will be yes. And if it’s not, remember this: you are a masterpiece in progress. You don’t need to impress anyone. You just need to keep showing up as you.

Now, go shine your light because the world needs your glow, not your likes.

Caroline’s daughter, Diahanne xxx