There comes a point in life when you suddenly realise that everybody seems to need something from you.

Your children may still need support, whether they are at school, university, starting work, raising children of their own or simply finding their feet. Your parents may be getting older and beginning to need more help, more appointments, more phone calls, more practical support and sometimes more emotional reassurance.

Then there is work. Your career. Your partner. Your friendships. Your home. Your finances. Your own health. And somewhere, in amongst all of that, there is you.

This is the reality often described as being part of the sandwich generation, adults who find themselves caring for, supporting or worrying about both younger and older generations at the same time. And while it can affect anyone, for many women in midlife, the pressure can feel particularly familiar.

The person everyone calls

Maybe you are the one who remembers the hospital appointment.

The one who checks whether Mum has taken her medication.

The one who helps your adult child with forms, finances, childcare or a difficult decision.

The one who keeps the family diary in your head.

The one who notices when someone is not quite themselves.

The one who sorts things before anyone else even realises they need sorting.

And because you are capable, dependable and used to getting on with things, people may not always see the weight of what you are carrying.

Sometimes even you do not see it.

You just keep going.

Caring can be a privilege and still be exhausting

There is often a lot of love wrapped up in caring for the people closest to us.

We may feel grateful that our parents are still here.

We may want to support our children for as long as they need us.

We may genuinely value being the person our family can rely on.

But two things can be true at the same time.

You can love someone deeply and still feel tired.

You can be grateful and still feel overwhelmed.

You can want to help and still wish somebody would ask how you are doing.

You can be strong and still need support.

Recognising that does not make you selfish. It makes you human.

And then there is the invisible work

Much of what women carry is not always physical.

It is the remembering.

The anticipating.

The worrying.

The planning.

The checking.

The emotional monitoring.

The constant mental question of: What needs to happen next?

That invisible work can be exhausting because there is rarely a clear beginning or end to it.

Even when you are sitting down, your mind may still be running through somebody else's needs.

That is often the part other people do not see.

Midlife was supposed to be our time... wasn’t it?

For years, many women imagined midlife would bring more freedom.

The children would be older.

Careers might feel more established.

There would finally be more time to travel, socialise, try something new or simply breathe.

And for some women, that absolutely happens.

For others, midlife brings a different kind of responsibility.

Instead of fewer people depending on you, the circle can become wider.

Children may still need support while ageing parents begin to need more too.

Grandchildren arrive.

Relationships change.

Work remains demanding.

And suddenly the chapter that was supposed to be about rediscovering yourself can feel like another season of looking after everybody else.

So where do you fit into that picture?

When did you last ask yourself what you need?

Not what your family needs.

Not what your employer needs.

Not what needs doing around the house.

You.

It sounds like such a simple question, yet for women who have spent years putting other people first, it can be surprisingly difficult to answer.

What would make your life feel lighter?

Where could somebody else help?

What are you doing because you genuinely want to — and what are you doing simply because everybody assumes you will?

Where might you need to say, “I can help, but I cannot do all of this myself”?

Sometimes creating space for yourself does not require a dramatic life change.

It might begin with one boundary.

One honest conversation.

One afternoon that belongs to you.

One task handed back to somebody else.

One decision not to feel guilty about resting.

You were never meant to carry everything

Being dependable is a beautiful quality.

But there is a difference between being supportive and becoming responsible for everybody.

There is a difference between caring and carrying.

And perhaps that is one of the most important lessons of this stage of life.

We do not have to stop loving, helping or showing up for the people who matter to us.

But we do need to remember that our own wellbeing matters too.

Because the woman who keeps everything together also deserves somewhere to put things down.

Take a minute and ask yourself:

Who currently depends on me?

Now ask:

Who do I depend on?

And finally:

What is one thing I could do this week to make my own load a little lighter?

You do not need to have all the answers today.

But perhaps it is time to include yourself in the conversation.

Caroline’s Daughter, Diahanne xxx