Something caught my attention recently and, if I’m honest, it felt very familiar. A woman in her 50s shared on TikTok that sometimes she sits in her car and cries between doing the food shop, replying to work emails and getting on with the rest of her day.

The response was overwhelming.

“Same.”

“Me too.”

“I thought it was just me.”

And perhaps that is the part we need to pay attention to.

So many women are quietly carrying far more than anyone can see. Work, family responsibilities, ageing parents, relationships, financial pressures, hormonal changes, caring for others and the constant expectation that somehow we should keep everything moving without missing a beat. Most of the time, we do. Until one day, our emotions decide they have something to say too. That doesn’t mean you’re falling apart. It means you’re human.

And if you have been feeling this way, you are certainly not alone.

According to the World Health Organization, nearly one in seven people worldwide, around 1.2 billion people, were living with a mental health disorder in 2023, with anxiety and depression among the most common. Women are disproportionately affected overall.

For Black women, the conversation can have additional layers. As well as the everyday pressures of life, there can be cultural expectations, racial discrimination, workplace pressures and that familiar idea of the “strong Black woman”, capable, resilient and somehow expected to keep going regardless of what is happening underneath. Strength can be a wonderful thing. But constantly having to prove how strong you are can become exhausting. And sometimes we become so accustomed to coping that we don’t recognise when coping has turned into simply surviving.

Mental health isn’t only about reaching crisis point. Sometimes it is recognising that you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, irritable or simply tired of being the person everyone relies on.

So let’s talk about it more openly. Let’s make space for the days when we don’t have it all together. Because you’re not losing the plot. You might just be a little emotionally crispy around the edges and trust me, you’re definitely not the only one.

The Anxiety Iceberg

Anxiety is like that one friend who overstays their welcome. You didn’t invite them, but they show up anyway full of “what ifs.”

You might feel like your mind is always switched on.

You overthink.

You people-please.

You don’t sleep like you used to.

You’re mentally exhausted by 10am but still pushing through because, well… who else is going to do it?

And anxiety really is a global issue.

The World Health Organization estimates that 470 million people around the world were living with an anxiety disorder in 2023, making anxiety one of the most common mental health conditions globally. Women are affected more often than men.

For those of us navigating midlife, there may be another ingredient in the mix.

The WHO recognises that the menopausal transition, which most commonly happens between the ages of 45 and 55, can affect our physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing, with symptoms including sleep difficulties, changes in mood, depression and anxiety.

In other words, sometimes there really is a lot going on.

Hormones. Work. Family. Money. Relationships. Caring responsibilities. Ageing parents. Children who may still need us even when they're grown. And then there are all those expectations we place upon ourselves.

No wonder our minds occasionally say, “Excuse me, can I have a minute?”

Perhaps we should listen.

The Body Image Battle

Remember when you used to criticise your 30-year-old self? And now you look at an old photograph and think, “What on earth was I complaining about?” Somewhere between anti-ageing advertising, social media filters and a culture obsessed with youth, many of us absorbed the message that women are somehow supposed to look 25 forever.

But body image struggles don’t magically disappear after 50.

Many of us still look in the mirror and focus immediately on the bits we'd like to change.

We suck in our stomachs for photographs.

We hesitate before putting on the swimsuit.

We compare ourselves with women online, some of whom may not even look like their online photographs in real life.

But your body is not an ornament.

It has carried you through every stage of your life.

Through joy. Loss. Love. Stress. Children, perhaps. Menopause. Illness. Recovery. Adventure. And change.

Your body is the vehicle carrying you towards whatever comes next. You don’t have to love every inch of it every single day to treat it kindly. Start with respect. Start with gratitude. Start where you are.

The Role-Juggling Olympics

Raise your hand if you’ve ever…

Scheduled a doctor’s appointment between work calls.

Made dinner while mentally drafting an email.

Answered somebody else’s crisis while quietly having one of your own.

Juggled caring responsibilities while completely forgetting your own needs.

Or finally sat down at the end of the day only for someone to call your name.

Congratulations.

You have qualified for the Role-Juggling Olympics.

And unfortunately, there are no medals.

Chronic stress is real, and it can be sneaky.

It doesn't always arrive announcing itself dramatically.

Sometimes it looks like headaches. Irritability. Poor sleep. Difficulty concentrating. Feeling permanently “on.” Or walking into a room and wondering why on earth you went in there.

The scale of the problem is enormous. The WHO estimates that depression and anxiety result in around 12 billion lost working days globally every year, costing the world economy close to US$1 trillion in lost productivity.

And for Black women, there is another question worth asking: When we are struggling, do we always feel able to ask for help?

The global evidence specifically separating Black women's experiences remains frustratingly limited. But research from individual countries gives us reason to keep asking that question.

For example, the latest US government figures show that in 2024, 14.7% of Black adults received mental health treatment during the previous year compared with 22.9% of the US adult population overall. Among adults who actually had a mental illness, Black adults were also significantly less likely than White adults to have received treatment. The numbers come from America, so we shouldn't pretend they tell the story of every Black woman in Britain, Africa, the Caribbean, Europe or elsewhere. But they do raise an important question that travels remarkably well across borders: Are we struggling less or have some of us simply become very good at struggling quietly?

So… What Can You Do About It?

I'm not going to give you another exhausting list of ways you need to “improve” yourself.

Most of us already have enough things on our to-do lists.

But there are a few things worth remembering:

✨ Talk to someone. A therapist, counsellor, doctor, trusted friend or someone within your support network. You don't have to wait until things become unbearable before you speak.

✨ Move your body. Not because you need to shrink it, punish it or make it look different. Move because walking, dancing, stretching or simply getting outside can help release some of what your body is carrying.

✨ Say no sometimes. Try it. It's a complete sentence. Boundaries aren't selfish; sometimes they're necessary.

✨ Celebrate the small wins. You made the appointment you've been avoiding? Win. Asked somebody for help? Win. Chose yourself for once? Definitely a win.

✨ Rest. Properly. Not answering emails from bed. Not scrolling through everybody else's lives at midnight. Actual rest.

And perhaps most importantly:

Check in with yourself with the same care that you check in on everybody else.

Ask yourself: How am I, really?

Then give yourself long enough to hear the answer.

Final Thought

Mental health doesn't come with a finish line.

It's an ongoing conversation with ourselves.

Some days we feel powerful.

Some days we feel fragile.

And sometimes both things are true before lunchtime.

You are allowed to have off days.

You are allowed to ask for help.

You are allowed to admit that something feels difficult.

And you are absolutely allowed to be both strong and struggling at the same time.

So let's break some of the silence.

Let's swap shame for conversation.

Let's stop automatically answering “I'm fine” when what we really mean is “I'm carrying a lot right now.”

And let's continue creating spaces where Black women, particularly as we move through midlife and beyond, don't always have to be the strong one.

Sometimes we need to be listened to.

Sometimes we need looking after.

Sometimes we need to put the bags down.

And sometimes we simply need another woman to look at us and say:

“Me too. I understand.”

Remember: you're not alone.

You never were.

Caroline’s daughter, Diahanne xxx